LIFE IS FULL of delicious surprises. Like the one I got
recently when I asked Brian, one of the city’s worthiest fortysomething
bachelors where men go for a relaxing lunch. Not only did he tell me, he showed
me.
We sauntered through the heavy metal doors of The Landing
Strip into an unusually interesting environment. Here, time stands still. The
harsh light of day and reality slip away. Black-light takes some getting used
to, and fortunately, there is a hostess who guides us to a front-and-centre
table in a genuinely friendly manner. We sit on a kind of step-up mezzanine, in
front of a stage outlined in tiny red lights. A soft strobe adds to the
mystique. The front of an airplane, its propellers languidly turning, makes an
interesting backdrop for the stage. And while the music has a presence, it does
not overpower our conversation.
Manus are presented, drink orders taken, as my eyes get used
to the unusual light and I can see my surroundings, I notice that, hey yes,
there’s a barenaked lady dancing on the stage. So discreet and unassuming is
this performance, it hardly takes precedence over CNN and Wolf Blitzer on the
plasma TV sets that flank the stage.
Before anyone recoils in horror and gasps that the Landing
Strip is a strip club, let me state unequivocally, that I had the best darned
hamburger in the city at lunch here today (at the bizarre price of $7.95).
In fact, the entire menu is a short form of what is found in
most downtown pub style restaurants. Only the names have been changed to remind
us that sex sells. The appetizer section is called “foreplay,” but there’s
nothing particularly thrilling about cocktail shrimp or nachos. My pal Brian, a
frequent flyer who has whiled away many an hour awaiting a delayed connection,
recommends the shrimp cocktail. Service is timed so that one might have several
glasses of wine before being rewarded with food. But when the red light over
the kitchen door goes on summoning our server to get our order, the five super
colossal shrimp with tangy cocktail sauce have been worth the wait.
Accustomed now to reading in this otherworldly light, I scan
“Seductive Sandwiched” and remain unseduced; read on to “R U Looking for
Something on the Side” and seriously think about hand cut Yukon Gold fries; Top
Heavy Pizza? Nope, not in the mood. But the “Enormous Gourmet Burgers” sections
lists five delectable choices. I mull over the “sizzling threesome” a
half-pound of 100% ground beef with bacon, cheddar or mozzarella and the regular
add-ons of mushrooms, onions, jalapeno peppers and more. The last line of the
description asks the question, “can you handle the works?” I decide no, and
have my burger sans bun, coleslaw or addons, with simple sliced tomatoes,
mustard and relish. Burger maven that I am, I’ll give the succulent, charcoal
broiled medium-well burger a ten.
Meanwhile, the dimly lit stage has hosted a half-dozen
dancers, all lovely, discreet and reserved in their performance. There is more
overtly sexy dancing on after school television. And it’s amazing how there
comes a point in one’s life when one takes nudity for granted. Only one
gymnastically talented dancer takes my attention away from my lunch.
Today’s special is chicken cacciatore. Not at all bad for
the $7.95 price tag, this is a man-sized meal with lots of chunks of chicken
tossed with peppers and onions in a pleasant tomato sauce, topping a good size
portion of pasta.
The room is only half-filled with people on this lovely
Tuesday afternoon, it is after all, a perfect golf day, and they do expect a
crowd after 7 p.m. On the way out, I pass on picking up a Cuban from the
humidor, but I am very tempted by the array of chocolate bars. Fact is,
chocolate does contain phenylethylamine (PEA) a natural antidepressant that
acts as a mood elevator, and is reputed to stimulate the same reaction in the
body as falling in love. Chocolate also contains caffeine and theobromine,
ingredients that mildly stimulate the cardiac muscle and central nervous
system. That being the case, I’d upgrade the quality of the chocolate bars –
the dancers are doing just fine.
The Landing Strip
191 Carlingview Dr.,
416-675-7723
Appetizers: $3.50-$12.95
Main courses: $7.95-$18.95
